I would be passively deceptive in neglecting to acknowledge the impact of my two great loves. Yes, I loved them both. I loved them on completely unique levels. No matter that one was with the capacity of a sick and desperate little girl. Love is still love no matter how inadequate or unhealthy. Some might argue that point. Its all relative. We all love as we are able. There is only one perfect love. I loved the second overlapping love; first as a dear friend I trusted and admired. Then with the tenacity of a spirit grasping onto the edge of a cliff by its last finger. One which taunted my distorted inner child into a state of frenzy the other which held out his hand and helped me see the beauty within myself. The former love was my greatest adversary, presenting me with a deep and inquenchable desire. Symbiotically presenting me with all the roadblocks and brickwalls necessary to reflect the areas most lost and alone within. The latter love provided all of the unconditional love and acceptance I never had. I was swept away by the safety and security of being loved for all that I was and could be. Even the darkest parts of me were welcomed and embraced until they dissolved by his sheer will and the unrelenting gift of hope. In the end, they both took advantage of my innocent nature. In the end I lost them both. I am deeply saddened by the fact that they turned out to be merely stepping stones. The pain of this reality is rehearsed in my dreams, I can not escape it. I can only hope that someday I will meet the culminatination of them in one man. As Spiritual as Ive become when this,day comes, I can not foresee doing anything more noble than slapping this prince silly. Look, I said I am a work in progress. Back to the ole drawing board, oh well.



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