Monthly Archives: February 2015

I would be passively deceptive in neglecting to acknowledge the impact of my two great loves. Yes, I loved them both. I loved them on completely unique levels. No matter that one was with the capacity of a sick and desperate little girl. Love is still love no matter how inadequate or unhealthy. Some might argue that point. Its all relative. We all love as we are able. There is only one perfect love. I loved the second overlapping love; first as a dear friend I trusted and admired. Then with the tenacity of a spirit grasping onto the edge of a cliff by its last finger. One which taunted my distorted inner child into a state of frenzy the other which held out his hand and helped me see the beauty within myself. The former love was my greatest adversary, presenting me with a deep and inquenchable desire. Symbiotically presenting me with all the roadblocks and brickwalls necessary to reflect the areas most lost and alone within. The latter love provided all of the unconditional love and acceptance I never had. I was swept away by the safety and security of being loved for all that I was and could be. Even the darkest parts of me were welcomed and embraced until they dissolved by his sheer will and the unrelenting gift of hope. In the end, they both took advantage of my innocent nature. In the end I lost them both. I am deeply saddened by the fact that they turned out to be merely stepping stones. The pain of this reality is rehearsed in my dreams, I can not escape it. I can only hope that someday I will meet the culminatination of them in one man. As Spiritual as Ive become when this,day comes, I can not foresee doing anything more noble than slapping this prince silly. Look, I said I am a work in progress. Back to the ole drawing board, oh well.



if you dare, train yourself to look for the lesson in everything. This practice helps you bond with the Universe and Ultimately God. As you make it a habit to realize that everything is a delicate stream of synchronicity you in turn learn to let go. Letting go is an art form. Letting go does not imply a lack of interest or of caring. Letting go allows you to make room to receive all that there is. We miss out out on so many subtleties of life when we hang on too tightly. As you learn to detach expectation from the outcome of your interactions and relationships you are extending the deepest form of respect. Anything you do for someone is not truly altruistic when you expect reciprocation. At first this glance this may seem foolhardy and unfair. However, as you grow and heal, letting go is a beautiful extension of your spirit. You begin to realize that freedom is unconditional love. Love takes many forms. Listening, really listening. Encouraging instead of judging. A smile when you feel like crying because you know the person who insulted you is clueless. Forgiveness is love. Love of yourself because grudges only hurt the one carrying them. Love is also thinking about the bigger picture and the effect you have on others. Bottom line: Love is a responsibility. Detachment on my path is an ongoing process. I try to remember that anything that is not love based, is of the ego. Although the ego is a necessary part of the human experience it is by no means a trustworthy compass, for the ego has tunnel vision. The spirit is limitless, with the capacity to see beyond all that is earthly. I am spirit led. I learned to make friends with my ego but I am now the navigator.



A dear friend of mine, Edward, recently started his spiritual journey reminded me about the trial of cleansing. As you choose to become spiritual, you do not immediately find solace. Nor is the path linear or smooth. When I started to do the things that were nurturing to my soul, such as meditation, a clean diet, making better life choices and discontinuing unheathy relationships. The unresolved, festering issues of my past bubbled up and oozed from my psyche and sometimes even my pores. All that had been stuffed down for the majority of my life began to surface. Id like to tell you I was always wise or strong enough to embraced the chaos and the pain. I was not. I sometimes blamed God, questioned everything and hated myself on a deeper level than I ever thought possible. The spiritual path is beyond challenging but if you are brave enough to allow God to be your safety net as you walk the highwire thru the heartache; You will decipher a method of sifting thru all of the poison and clutter. You will become free. Free from all the emotionally suffocating baggage. Free from the triggers than take you back to the painful encounters that keep you stuck in an endless loop of illogical thoughts. You will achieve inner peace and authenticity. Hold fast even when you curse the path, trust God, and keep an eye on your path even when you need a break from the work. Yes, it will be work. The reward awaiting you on the other side of the toxicity of your past is a natural joy and love of life and of all who coexist. The Freedom that loving yourself brings is infinite and beautiful beyond measure or description


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