I had to make peace with the memory of everyone who had abandoned me,starting with my birthmother who i always dreamt was pretty and kind like Marilyn Monroe. I secretly watched youtubes of Marilyn and I was comforted by her sweet voice and innocent nature. My mother left me in the hospital 3 days after i was born and I swear i can remember holding onto her thumb. I had to allow myself to become angry with her. I guess its typical to idolize the parent who is not around to cushion the pain of abandonment.